When you have recently lost a parent, no not in the super market but via death, when your one living parent’s health is not the best, it’s worrisome. Primarily for me, it’s when you receive that text or phone call from a family member or the actual parent stating things are not well today. It sends me right back to the hospital room, memories of oxygen tank sounds, and the “I feel so very tired” look upon their face comes to mind.
I’m going to be blunt here. The thought rushes through my mind “Surely God isn’t going to take me down this path again so soon?” It’s only been (insert however many months since August 17, 2014). Doesn’t He know I (and my siblings) need a reprieve, a time to recover? That’s not very nice is it? It doesn’t show my good side at all, it’s not the Christian thing to think. Well I’m a sinner along with being a Christian so, in a way it’s not a shocker for me to think of my own feelings first. It’s not ok, by any means, but it’s expected I think.
Watching my living parent’s health deteriorate is not a bed of roses. I’m sure many of you have taken this path and my own children will probably be here someday too. It’s sad and sometimes you feel hopeless. Am I right? There’s the moments of clarity and moments of delusion within your brain. You wish for many things. Such as why didn’t they take better care of themselves, what was God’s plan when they fell and were injured, and why won’t they let us help the way we want to.
This post isn’t about complaining about caring for my parents, it’s about sharing how I’m feeling at times. It’s to let others know in similar situations they aren’t alone. Having one of my parent’s pass away has given me the opportunity to truly value the time I have left with the living one. The one right her on Earth with me. Although it may be difficult for me to see my parent suffer, I will go where I am needed. I will try my best to respect what they need and care for them as best I can.
And on those days when it’s particularly rough for me, and I feel life is unfair, I should get on my knees and pray hard. For my true comfort only comes from God. I love both my parents. I was created by God from those two special people. He chose them. He must have had a plan for them and for me. Now what I need to do is trust it, treasure it, and have faith to go where He leads us.
Grace is a gift,