In the amount of time my Dad has been gone, a new life could be emerging into this world. Today marks the ninth month since my Dad’s passing. Thoughts of him cross my mind periodically, but not daily. When my mind is quiet and think back to my childhood, he comes to mind.
Yesterday morning on my porch as I listened to the water drip from the downspout, the slight breeze make my hair move, and the various birds make their presence known. That is when he came to mind. That is when the first line of this post became a thought. Just as life is valued (in or out of womb) so was my Dad. A tinge of sadness came across me.
I wished I’d asked him a particular question from my young childhood while he was still alive. I think he would have been honest, now I will not know that answer. I don’t believe the truth can be found anywhere else.
I can still see his hands. His large hands. The ones that held mine while I cried when I left a few days before he died. The hands that held my youngest daughter when she was a couple of weeks old, and the hands that held a bottle that turned my life into a saddened mess growing up.
Those hands worked hard, those hands hurt people. Those hands wrote letters to me when I was young and those hands cared for others. Those hands are an image I hope I never lose. Those hands represent a lot about my Dad. With each callous there was a story, with each handshake as well.
I have no idea what “stage” of grieving I am in at this point. I am just still grieving the loss of the man I called Dad. There’s not much more to say so I will close for now.
Grace is a gift,