I will never taste the Spice Peaches or Macaroni salad again that her hands made. These are two of my favorite recipes that my Mom made as I grew up. I remember requesting her to make the peaches for Christmas often.
She loved peaches. She would eat them fresh with cream on them or in a peach pie. I love peaches too. That’s something nice to have in common with her.
When it struck me one afternoon that I would not be eating the food she made anymore tears began to fall. I clutched the book that held the recipe to my chest and just let the tears fall for a bit.
I can still smell the aroma of spiced peaches and the taste of the macaroni salad with cucumbers. (Another thing we both loved) Connection to our past can come in different forms. Whether it be with food, photographs, a song, poem, or holiday.
Although I wouldn’t want those connections to be gone, sometimes they are hard to handle. One must not stay in the mode of connection that brings them despair. If I stay in my grief, the treasure of the past will be eventually be forgotten. All there will be is sadness, despair, what if’s, or I should haves.
So, when those moments of connection occur, I will allow myself to wallow in them but eventually I will make my way out. For instance, on the afternoon those tears fell I found my way down a country road. To walk among the fall foliage and beautiful milo field. This gave me distance from the sadness, opportunity to clear my mind, and see that the treasure was just that. A treasure.
I’m not over my mother’s death or my father’s for that matter. I am just making my way through this journey called grief. I am managing my life the best I can with the tools provided to me. I’m not ignoring the past, the grief, or how much it hurts. I just will not allow it to rob my present life of the treasures that have been given to me. Having the joys God gave me is not something to throw away by living in the past.
Grace is a gift,