I wrote this post a while back. I’ve waited until I felt it was time to publish. I think it’s time. My love for this person has not changed one bit. If anything it has shown me how much I truly love them. How much I care for them and have hope for them. I am praying and that is what I can do for now.
The full moon is upon us this week and as usual my sleep habits are in a disarray once again. I find myself wake often, mind running, and eventually out of my bed. In the early morning hours, I found myself spending time in the Word of God. In hopes that I would feel some peace and be led to know how to unscramble this time in my life.
What I found was my devotion brought my focus to something I have been wanting to somewhat ignore. The bible story was The Parable of the Lost Sheep, it’s found in Matthew 18: 10-14. See, recently I had someone very dear to me renounce their faith in God to me.
The moment it occurred I kept quiet and it took all I had not to weep uncontrollably. My heart broke and I prayed to God right that moment. It took all I had to keep it together. I knew that if I made a huge deal about what was just stated the person would automatically shut down on me. They would shut me out and put up an even bigger display of defense.
I waited a few moments, then made an excuse to leave for a few minutes. As I walked to my mailbox tears streamed down my cheeks. For this person I love so very much had made a choice in their life that I was unable to stop. One that I know will hurt them forever unless they repent and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior once again. I hurt for this person. I hurt for their loss.
Luckily, there is hope. Hope of the repentance and of the choice that lays in front of them.
My days have been filled with prayer for them and for guidance on what I can do. I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me as I know this will be a slow journey. I can not rely on my own idea of what to do but I must allow God to lead me. I ask that you pray for this person and for guidance for me.
Having my daily devotion be upon this subject, I think, is God’s way of saying “Julie, it’s time, go slow, study, pray, love, and depend on Me to help you.” I have had a lot of things occur in my life but I do believe this was the most heart shattering. Honestly, I was surprised myself at how much it affected me.
” Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I” Matthew 18: 20 . Won’t you please join me helping others to feel the love of Christ. So they too can accept the gift of eternal life. Thank you.
Grace is a gift,