I’ve Been Itching….


Untitled designI’ve been itching to write on this blog.  I don’t know why but I miss it.  Okay I do know why.  I feel a freedom here that I do not feel on my other two blogs. Which is sort of odd because I know some that followed me here also follow me at Farming Grace Daily.  I’m a peculiar specimen I suppose. I even contemplated starting yet another blog and calling it Pushing Forward with Grace 2.0.  Is there a name for this type of thinking?

I am who I am.  A person, that at times is calm and cool and reflecting just what is acceptable in this thing called society.  While my inner self is fuming with emotions and wanting to burst out like a bull in a pen!  Yet, just existing on some days to make it from the time I raise my head from the pillow then lay it back down at nightfall.   I’m sure some of you can relate.

The last couple years I have found myself strong, in control, weak, alone, loved, forgotten, celebrated,  crushed, and so much more.  The curve balls that have been thrown into my daily living have sometimes hit me in the gut and others made me soar.

At the moment I’m just surviving.  That’s it.  I’m just here.  That’s how I feel.  I used to be one that went with my gut and trusted it, not so much anymore.  I used to be one to be decisive in my decision-making, now I falter with questions more than move forward.

I’m a thinker and that’s how I am wired.  It’s a positive and a negitive. I was once told by a boss and friend that my expections of myself were just that. A strength and a weakness.  I agree.  But it’s hard to shake a mentality that one has been raised with and lived with for 45 years.

So, perhaps I feel more comfortable writing about me over here because I can relate more to PUSHING forward with grace, verses FARMING grace daily.  When I think of farming I think of growing something and sharing it. (hence sharing grace with others)  In the past couple years, I don’t feel like I’ve been a very good farmer.  I know I haven’t given it nearly enough as I should have.  Pushing, in my mind makes me think of  working towards something.  I suppose I am struggling with that positive and negitive attribute of mine that I previously mentioned.

This is all the words I have for today.

Julie

 

I don’t plan to share these posts on social media.  I feel this is writing for myself, a theraputic way to move this through this journey, yet perhaps help another, or get insight from those outside my world.  God bless your day .

 

 

 

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