No one tells you how different it will be. And if they do, you probably won’t be able to wrap your head around it or believe them. I really didn’t realize the connection that my mother made for me and the rest of my extended family. A connection that wasn’t so obvious to me at the time but is now upon our gathering together in her absence.
It was the way you didn’t want to leave when we had family gatherings. Where sitting around her large oval dinner table with lots of food, laughing, and enjoying the antics of a cousin, niece, or nephew. Or more than likely Mom saying something outlandish, flirting with an in-law, or encouraging a little one to crawl up in her lap.
I can’t really describe it to you.
We’ve had a couple of gatherings since her passing one year ago and it’s not the same.
Even though she may not have been the instigator of the memory made or the antic occurring it was still relevant to the connection of her. We still laugh together, eat together, and celebrate family moments but it’s not the same.
To be honest, my biggest fear is losing connection with my siblings. Not the love for one another but the gift that was given to us through being raised together.
I once had a friend that knew us while growing up and then I didn’t see him for many years. In conversation all those years later, he admitted that he was always impressed with the closeness/bond that our family had. Primarily talking about my siblings, my mom, and myself. I remember stating and thinking that I never felt we had that much of a closeness. At least not any more than any other family I knew. That observation from the outside made me feel lucky though. And with the death of both our parents it’s made me realize how true it is.
Today as I remember that memory I celebrate the extended family that was given to me. The bond created in family isn’t always from joyous moments, dinners around the table, or cheering at ballgames together. Sometimes it’s created by too much yelling and witnessing bad things or sleeping in a car periodically. Sometimes it’s from just living in the house together with those that know what no one else knows.
Whatever creates the bond, it’s important to hold on to it. There’s no bringing our mother back, but I have three people in my life that can remember her with me and who know what I’m talking about when I say I miss her.
It will take all four of us to continue to nourish the bond/relationships and to be an example to our own children. I pray daily for them and I look forward to the future of our family.
Grace is a gift,