Today marks one year since my mother passed away. I had a restless night of sleep, by morning my anxiety level was pretty high. I don’t know if it was due to the anniversary of something so hard or the depression or the fact that I’m traveling this weekend.
I’m heading out to spend the weekend away from home with some girlfriends. At the time of scheduling the trip I thought it would be a good idea for me to be away from home. I still feel that way – mostly. Honestly I always get anxious about traveling due to a medical issue I have. I know being away from home won’t make me forget but perhaps a nice distraction and opportunity to relax.
After taking my daughter to school I spent the morning in my kitchen. As I have stated before, cooking seems to be my therapy. Maybe it calms me because I can control what goes in when and it can be done in a certain order. All the while anticipating something good coming out of my actions. I don’t have to talk or feel or think of anything else while pouring the ingredients into the metal bowl. I even thought of my mom while baking the cake. It wasn’t sad but glad she was such a good cook and baker. A gift she shared with me.
The weekend away is needed for more than one reason and I know I will enjoy the laughter, comradity, and memories made with my friends. Although I won’t be able to control the ingredients that will make up this wonderful time, I can participate with as much as I can muster.
The weekend away was enjoyable and good for me. I felt up and down throughout the weekend. I haven’t laughed that much for so long. And I needed that. The laughter with girlfriends is so very awesome! Thank you to my friends that spent time with me and also listened when I did share my feelings.
I’m actually publishing this on September 3rd, what would have been my mother’s birthday. But no more birthdays exist for her. No more angel food cakes or family gathering to celebrate her life. I did get to spend the morning with my two sisters and visit with my brother on the phone. That was a good way to spend my day. A really good way.
Tomorrow is another day. Another step forward. Another opportunity to reach for something better, smile more, laugh alot, and hug those around me. I’m grateful.
Grace is a gift,