“Mom, you don’t dance in the kitchen any more.”
My youngest daughter said those words to me recently.
Her words were profound.
She’s right. I don’t. Hearing these words brought a sense of sadness over me. Which were followed by feelings of being overwhelmed and out of kilter. How did I get to this place?
I’ve swerved in and out of this journey with a dark cloud that continues to hover over me. From my best estimates, this cloud was teeny-tiny about 3 years ago. Just a newborn and then quickly began to grow.
With each moment of anxiety, nervousness, and feeling as though I was failing, that small cloud turned into a massive one with the death of my two parents. There were moments of sunshine that blocked the darkness temporarily but as the days passed by the darkness began to win out.
Now three years later I am in the midst of something I know needs changed. I awake daily feeling either frustrated, over whelmed or sad. I look in the mirror and am unsure of who I am. Not to mention I faintly remember that gal that danced in the kitchen.
So many factors go into this equation that has brought me to this point in my life. I’m approaching my 46th birthday and know there are decisions to be made. Life changes and willpower are needed; yet I’m struggling to find a starting point.
It’s there. I know it is. Deep down inside this dark clouded mind and sedentary body it sleeps. The one thing that will bring me back to the gal that dances in the kitchen and smiles more often.