Although I’ve struggled some this past December, it’s not as bad as the last couple years. I don’t feel significantly down due to missing my parents. I suppose the process of grief and missing someone moves to different levels. It never totally goes away, you just adapt. That thing called “seasonal” depression, it normally hits me too, but this year there’s just something different.
It’s not the grief or the more than cloudy days. It’s more of a state of being tired when even being presented with the simplest task. The loneliness of conquering it outweighs the multitude of benefits from just “pushing through”
I can think back over the past few weeks of moments of feeling goodness.
When my kids and their kids were at our home laughing around the table before Thanksgiving.
Receiving the photo of my husband and youngest daughter on the chair lift or her standing with skis on waiting to go down the mountain.
The longer conversations with the eldest now that she’s found some contentment with her new role.
Seeing big brown eyes, an infectious smile, and hearing “Grandma Julie” only the way E. can say it.
Witnessing P’s first piano recital and thinking how glad I am she’s not petrified to perform.
The growing belly and texts from the pregnant momma I call daughter number two.
The glow of Christmas lights and the “perfect” leaning tree we have this year with Pandora and Michael Buble playing in the background.
These are just a few of the nuggets that have made me smile in past weeks. I look forward to Christmas Eve more than any other day this holiday season. Because all my children and grandchildren will be at our home, attending church, and opening gifts by that leaning tree.
The gifts they give me will be nice I’m sure but the best gift is them spending time with me. (Oh, and if they would clean up after we eat and open gifts that’d be awesome too!)
May you find joy in the holiday season and hold on if you just can’t seem too!