When I left my job as an insurance agent I walked away feeling like a failure. I felt that but didn’t speak about it too often. I did state to my husband after some time of departing that I didn’t think I ever wanted to go back to the insurance industry. (Yes I kept my license but I didn’t actively sell or work in the industry) This was the industry that I spent the majority of my adult life (25 to 44) in as a profession, so making that statement was pretty substantial.
The journey I was on after leaving included various things. Like both my parent’s deaths, becoming a stay at home mother which was always a dream of mine, becoming a grandmother again, being diagnosed with Diabetes, re-entering into the workforce part time and so forth.
My husband is a farmer and life has dealt us some circumstances out of our control that in 2016 I had to go back to work part time. I did what I had to do and it was an enjoyable and honestly pretty easy job.
When we pray with our daughter at night I always say the following, especially in the last year.“Thank you for the opportunities given to us to provide for our family.”
I think of my mother when I need to pull strength in times of struggle, especially when it’s something I do not necessarily want to do. Life has granted me another opportunity to help care for my family. I am grateful, the journey now, I am coming to terms with and even feeling excited at times about it!
Next week I will be re-entering the industry I said I didn’t think I would ever want to be in again. God has presented an opportunity to provide for my family, yet allow me to still be at home some with our daughter part time. Honestly it wasn’t easy for me to accept this opportunity. Mostly because I don’t trust myself as much as I did at one time in my life. The emotions of failure have been on my mind in the past few weeks.
For me every change is one that I must process and go through certain emotions to get to the other side. That place of “okay.” I’m 47 years old and in just 4 years that I’ve been more at home I’ve learned so much about myself. Also that I’ve accepted about myself.
There are things I’m afraid of and there are things I am excited about. There are doubts and there are surprise interests. There are moments of gratitude and moments of “it’s not fair attitude.” I am human.
I am who I am and although I feel less confident than I did long ago when I held a different insurance office position I will give this new occupation in an old industry my best. That’s where my mother comes into play, she taught me well in regards to work ethic.
I was once told that both a positive and negative of me was that I strive for perfection. When interviewed for the new position I told the four men I was sitting with this very thing. I’m not sure if it made a difference to them but it did to me.
I can’t think of this statement without thinking of the man that made it to me in 2013. I’m grateful for the opportunity he gave me and also because he helped me realize something about myself. The new path I am on will obviously teach me new things, although in an industry I’m familiar with. You’re never too old to learn, isn’t that what they say?
I’ve used photos of myself throughout this post. I wanted to document my physical appearance for myself. The journey I was on took me through very stressful times and the physical changes are apparent to all of you probably. But the mental and inside changes may not be so apparent (unless you actually know me personally.) I know them though. Some of them were hard to deal with others were joys. All in all, I am who I am. I will move forward to strive for perhaps less perfection and more kindness. I pray for patience and kindness from others in the days ahead, I’m pretty sure it will all work out just fine. Life tends to do that. 🙂 I am a stronger, smarter, and even simpler woman than I was four years ago.
Here’s to the new path before for me!
Julie
Pushing Forward with Grace 