I was sitting on the couch one night recently with my daughter. We were huddled in our own blankets, watching Supergirl. She was watching intently and I just stared at her for a few moments. Her expression changed with each event of the show. My chest began to tighten and a small smile across my face appeared, and a slight moisten of the eyes happened. (stick with me folks)
The child that shared the couch with me that night, at times is still my little playful youngster while at other times little bits of independence make their appearance. The body is changing and I see it, yet forbid it. I know from experience it is only the very inkling of beginnings of things transpire in the world of physical and emotional childhood.
My thoughts this summer have periodically been of time to continue conversations of the “could be uncomfortable nature” or “she’s too young” or “in reality it’s not too soon”. Back and forth in my mind the role of motherhood is played out.
The battle of wanting her to be prepared in all aspects of life, yet wanting the innocence to stay at the core. In the past year I have come to see how very differently we handle situations and honestly she’s better at most of them than I am.
I want to lock in this time for I know by next summer a whole new set of changes will come and I’ll probably be writing a post about it. If I write here, hopefully I won’t be like the dramatic teenager I can be when dealing with her at times! 🙂
This is the child that has spent her nine short years skipping. She used to never really run but skip everywhere. It represented a life of freedom and a go with the flow kinda mindset. She still encompasses some of that, most of that. But this year softball became more of a challenge and hustle was brought into play. So running had to be done and well, she did do it, with some skipping too! 🙂
I’m proud of the kid. She isn’t perfect by any means but she took on a challenge of being a pitcher and not letting it break her “skipping spirit”. Just with the degree of playing the game of softball changed, her life too changes with each passing year.
My role as her mother I think is to teach, guide, and allow her to fly on her own. Three daughters later and I finally realize that having them make mistakes while home and I’m still a guide is essential to their adult life. Saving them each time doesn’t teach them a damn thing! I apologize to my first and second daughters for failing you in some aspects of my parenting, well let’s just throw in daughter number three too! We all know I’m far from perfect, remember I said I’m the one that acts like a dramatic teen at times! 🙂
I’m better at this motherhood thing now I think. My “skipper” is better today than yesterday in this thing called life too. It’s not all due to me. She has a good father, super sisters, awesome grandparents, a loving church family, extended family, friends, teachers, and many more that help us in raising her.
But as her mom, I get an inside view of what is changing, even if microscopic in her daily life. A front row seat if you will, to seeing each physical change and interpretation from her mind. Sometimes this is a blessing beyond my own ability to comprehend and other times it’s hard. Super hard to watch the innocence fade a level and the reality of this harsh world smack her in the face.
One thing is certain. Until I take my last breath, I will sit in the front row, whether it’s comfortable or uncomfortable, right next to her or ten seats away. I’ll be there, even when she doesn’t know it.
And may she NEVER stop skipping through life!