Bringing It Down – Diabetes #1


This post was held for publishing until I was over the six month mark of my health journey.  I had to feel mostly confident and positive progress before sharing.  In my life, too many times, I’ve started something only to feel I failed.  This time needed to be different and so far it is.  Six months was goal number one.

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Those minor changes I mentioned in my 2017 word post began on January 3rd, but reality hit when I received the call about my A1C number in December. (Diabetes)  The reality of trying to fill my pain, grief, sadness, anger and lack of confidence  with food (and sedentary actions) has brought about a not so lovable thing.  Hold tight… more on that in a moment.

Those conversations I mentioned before in this post, well they were not life changing but they changed me enough to feel free.  It felt as though someone was finally listening to me and although in a quiet manner the results helped me take a baby step towards feeling less alone.  That tiny bit of support where I felt I could say out loud feelings I had felt ashamed of having , actually enabled me.

So now I will share with you in hopes that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation you know you aren’t alone.

But first a few things I need to get out.

  • I don’t completely understand why I was so affected by the death of my parents. Why it knocked me so far down.
    • It’s not like I was super close to either of them or saw them all the time. It’s not like I grew up in a cozy happy situation.
  • Okay, I do know one reason. It’s because  I’m out of time.
    • Out of time to ask those questions.  Ask the questions that make people uncomfortable and aren’t pretty.  The ones that could give me answers or explain why things happened to me.  Silence can be a killer in itself I think sometimes.
  • I loved them.
    • No matter what happened in life, I loved them.  They were the parents that created me. 
  • Why didn’t they take better care of themselves?
    • Who am I to talk, look where I am now.

That freeing I spoke of earlier, it came when I said out loud, to my spouse, the part about time running out to ask the questions. That was a turning point for me.

january-2017
This photo helped me move forward. Jan. 2017

All those words you just read were written a few month ago, but they still resonate with me.  They still bring forward to my mind that the path I am now on is one that is really important.  I’ve held off blogging about this part of my life for  fear of failure,  and afraid those that see me often will watch my plate each time I fill it. (like they have nothing else to do, right?)

I’m ready to share now.  Maybe it’s because I’ve met with my Diabetes Educator  a few times.   Actually,  it’s because I feel more in control then I have in a few years.  Whatever the reason I’m not going to force myself to journal but I will write when necessary about DOWN WITH THE D. In hopes that it will help others and yes even keep me on track for life.

Down with the D Series # 2 – 5 will be published soon.  Subscribe so you can read the next step in the series as at this moment I don’ t feel comfortable sharing on my personal social media pages.

Julie

 

 

 

Bringing It Down – Diabetes #2


Written early March 2017

When dealing with life changes, whether it’s in regards to eating, stopping a bad habit, starting therapy, stopping therapy, or whatever, it’s not an easy path.  Although I do believe a support system is essential it really comes down to the individual.  No one is going to move you forward, they might assist but ultimately you have to take that first step alone.  And that first step isn’t going to come until you are ready.

My first assistance was that blood test that showed my AC1 at 7.2 and the phone call from the doctor with options.  I chose the option to visit with a Diabetic Educator named Kathy.  I spent up until the day after my 46th birthday eating as I wanted.  I began logging food and trying my best from December 27th to January 3rd, then I met Kathy.

Kathy explained things in simple terms and allowed me to ask questions.  She allowed my spouse to ask questions and she even visited about my fears.  Tears fell because of the emotions I was feeling and she never made me feel bad for it.

I now take my blood sugar glucose tests at least 2 to 3 times a day. Once before meals and once two hours after eating.

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In the past couple months I’ve been on the high side emotionally, the frustrated, tantrum throwing, not to mention the low side.  You name it, I’ve probably felt it.  Kathy gave me just a few things to start out with.  45 grams of carbs per meal and 15 per snack.  Going in I knew I needed to expect less of myself.  That probably sounds odd but it’s true.  I have high expectations for myself and that can lead to me taking the long fall down to failing!

This time I wrote about moving into a different level of this journey.  I felt it needed to be shared because only writing about the good or positive moments isn’t reality or truth. I won’t hide in the goodness of life, the ugly is part of it.  Just have to choose how to deal with it.

Julie

Bringing It Down – Diabetes #8


I realized yesterday morning that Down with the D could mean a couple things.   Diabetes or depression.  Both are in my life.

We traveled for our vacation to an area that enabled me to exercise daily, feel relaxed, and eat somewhat healthy.  We cooked most of our own meals.  I still got on the scale after returning and have decided I need a new scale.

View from the grass

I was motivated quite a bit before leaving for vacation and was determined to keep working towards my daily goals even while away from home.  I was successful and have been reaching my 10,000 step goal all but about one day a week.

Upon leaving beautiful Arkansas and heading towards one more stop before coming to rest at home I could feel anxiety entering my body.  The anxiety led to feeling in a funk and Monday I have felt quite “off” all day.  I do think some of it is from my blood sugars being consistantly on the lower side.   I need to find that balance again, so I feel good most all the time.

Tuesday morning brought more clarity but I am still feeling anxious at some moments.  The walk I took this morning has brought me more than 5000 steps and clearer mind.  Support from a new person came my way and I am utilizing it.

The battle of diabetes is one I am focusing on but the depression still shows up to the party on occasion.  It makes it’s prescense not necessarily by sad faces or tear. It carries the blame when snappy answers blurt from my mouth or the urge to scream erupts within me.  The expression of depression doesn’t take one route.  It is kind and spreads itself in many forms.

I have to admit it was probably a positive to get out with other people last night.  To listen to little kids singing and feeling a loof myself.  Perhaps that is what helped me to visit with my husband in a casual manner last night or  to awaken this morning so much easier.

Mother Daughter Hike

Coming off the high of being somewhere you truly enjoyed and  pulling this thing called life out of  time-out so to speak is hard.  Getting away can give one perspective on many levels and I think this trip did that for me.  The opportunity to realize, alittle more clearer, what I want out of this life I am living.

Until next time,

Julie

 

The Gal That Danced in the Kitchen


“Mom, you don’t dance in the kitchen any more.”

My youngest daughter said those words to me recently.

Her words were profound.

She’s right.  I don’t.  Hearing these words brought a sense of sadness over me.  Which were followed by feelings of being overwhelmed and out of kilter.  How did I get to this place?

I’ve swerved in and out of this journey with a dark cloud that continues to hover over me. From my best estimates, this cloud was teeny-tiny about 3 years ago.  Just a newborn and then quickly began to grow.

With each moment of anxiety, nervousness, and feeling as though I was failing, that small cloud turned into a massive one with the death of my two parents. There were moments of sunshine that blocked the darkness temporarily but as the days passed by the darkness began to win out.

Now three years later I am in the midst of something I know needs changed.  I awake daily feeling either frustrated, over whelmed or sad.  I look in the mirror and am unsure of who I am. Not to mention I  faintly remember that gal that danced in the kitchen.

So many factors go into this equation that has brought me to this point in my life.  I’m approaching my 46th birthday and know there are decisions to be made.  Life changes and willpower are needed; yet I’m struggling to find a starting point.

It’s there.  I know it is.  Deep down inside this dark clouded mind and sedentary body it sleeps.  The one thing that will bring me back to the gal that dances in the kitchen and smiles more often.

Julie

The Climb. The Example.The Trying.


Written prior to today.

waterfalls

 

A few of our recent family outings have reminded me of how my lifestyle not only hinders my ability to enjoy things but my families as well.

I begin this post with that statement because on a recent trip where physical endurance was needed I struggled a great deal.  I struggled to the point of tears behind the sunglasses and the feeling of failure on my mind. All while being surrounded by many and in a beautiful setting.

STarting to go

Sure, I made it back to the top of that 3/4 mile steep dirt path but there were several stops and a lot of emotion.  Some would say, “you made it” or “the water fall was worth it or stop being negative”.  But you know, today, it’s just hard.  Almost too hard and loneliness is mixed into the realm of things.

Some days bring an emotional hardship and some bring physical.  Finding a balance is difficult when dealing with depression and lack of will power.  Yes there are days of goodness and solitude as well.

The part of that first statement about my mental and physical status affecting my family is what I want to address now.  I see the way my negative thoughts that shoot from my mouth make their way to my daughter’s ears.  When I’m not leading my daughter to be physically or mentally healthy she plays it out in front of me.  Keeping my husband and family from enjoying events due to my in-abilities  isn’t fun for them either.

I was thinking back to when things started to falter in this shell of a person God created.  The events leading up to this day. The changes from two or three years back made their way to my thoughts on this warm afternoon.

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It makes me uncomfortable to think of those things and even more so because I have not been stronger.  The fact that I have gotten to the weight I have, my depression isn’t kept at bay, and the realms of my daily life boggle me at times.

This creation of me, it isn’t at it’s best.  I’m not sure when it will reach a better place while on earth.  I can’t promise I will try today or tomorrow but I will try again.   I will walk the path and continue to find my way.

My hope is to reach a point of health and presence and balance.

Grace is a gift,

Julie

The Hazards of Sitting in Life – 8/15/2015


I spent many years thinking I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and never realizing what I was doing was injuring my body.  I was spending my days sitting at a desk, waiting on clients, and using a computer.  I spent 7.5 hours per day 5 days a week operating what isn’t classified as heavy machinery or dangerous to one’s health.

I have never had very good posture and now that I’m in my 40’s I am paying for it.  So far, I do not need glasses to work on the computer but I have to take breaks.  My wrist and arm begin hurting sooner than it used too.  I have worn a hand brace for several years when sleeping.  If I do not, then I wake with fingers tingling and my wrist aching.

My hand isn’t the only thing that has “taken one for the team.”  My backside as well.  It grew beyond my liking but yet I didn’t do much over the years to move more.  Oh sure there were bouts of movement and inspiration to exercise, nothing that stuck though.

They say that “sitting is the new smoking.”  When I saw that one day I thought to myself, yes I suppose it is.  Although the effects of sitting doesn’t directly hurt others, it could in the long run I presume.

The lack of interaction with my children and grandchildren, lack of desire to do activities that are physical, complaining more about my life, and my aches.  Those within range of me would be affected in that manner.

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My desire to embroider has enhanced my hand issues and you would think I would take more breaks.  I need to, seriously I do.  I am going to damage something further that isn’t repairable probably.  Yet, the embroidery helps me relax at the time and the pain comes later.  I feel like I am accomplishing something, being successful at something in this life.

Hum, I thought I was doing the same thing all those years in front of the computer at work.  Does this mean I need to help fill my mind and time with something that is less strenuous on my hand?  Does this mean I need to set my alarm on my smart phone and make myself take breaks every 30 minutes?  Does this mean I need to stretch several times a day so my body doesn’t tighten to a twisted pretzel type?  Probably so on all of the above.

My daughter is heading off to 2nd grade this next week.  I have spent the summer with her and focusing on our time together.  I have started building a small business with my homemade items.  Now that she will be gone I have to set a routine and keep it.  I have to be healthier during the day so when she comes home I feel and want to interact with her in a positive manner.

I hope writing this holds me accountable.  I hope whatever God has planned for me whether a struggle in the story or not I can find my way to be what HE would want me to be.

Grace is a gift,

Julie

Weight-less Wednesday 6/3/15


Weightless Wednsdays

 

An update on our May Family Fruit/Veggie Challenge.  This challenge made me really realize just how few vegetables we are eating! Give it a try if you are interested in determining how much your intake is for fruit and vegetables!

According to Choose My Plate I am to have 2.5 cups of vegetables per day and 1.5 cups of fruit.  I did fine with the fruit, in fact I ate more than I should have.  The vegetables I was short 17.5 cups in a 14 day period.

Our family struggles with vegetables and I’m not sure why.  We do like them but have different tastes in them.   I prefer cooked veggies, except I absolutely love cucumbers!  Can’t wait until our garden is overflowing this year!  My spouse enjoys fresh vegetables more than cooked.  So we are going to work on this in the next month. I know that our plates are to be half full with vegetables and fruits at meal time.  We will try to shoot for that!  Our daughter tried green peppers last night at church and fell in love! So happy about that!

The fruit intake is good but needs to improve as I mentioned.  This is easier for us to grab or add to a cereal or yogurt or eat with our meal I feel.  Prepping fruit and vegetables is part of what I did for our family but if not eaten it does go bad quicker.  But we will keep trying new things. If you drink 100% fruit juice that counts as well, my spouse and daughter get some of theirs through that way.

With wheat harvest and soybean planting coming up it will be my responsibility even more to help feed my family healthy fruits and vegetables.  I pray I can do this and not just grab for convenience during this busy time!

So, does anyone want to join us in our June Family Challenge?  The whole family can participate and it’s a great lesson for kids!  Our youngest likes to mark the chart and count up during the day what she has ate.

Grace is a gift,

Julie

 

I just logged each day this week my activity level for my own use, but if you are interested it’s below.

Wednesday workout: Walked 30 minutes while my kiddo rode her bike.  My new step goal is 11,000!. 11,348 steps today

Thursday workout: The rain decided to play havoc on my walking workout.  I would have continued to walk home but my sweet hubs came and got me.  It was starting to rain pretty hard!  But I got 15 minutes in, then he joined me for the kettle ball workout.  I’m super stoked, I made it through TWO rounds! I late walked 15 minutes on my porch!  Gotta do what ya gotta do! 11,091 steps

Friday workout: No walking today but my workout was helping load tree limbs and unload tree limbs.  I walked to the lot where we piled them to be burned instead of riding in the UTV ! 🙂 6253 steps

Saturday workout: Didn’t exist.  Shopped for wedding flowers and didn’t exercise.  5899 steps.

Sunday workout: Walked at two different times and reached over 11,000 steps!

Monday workout: My workout was a 20 minute walk then picking up irrigation pipe.  This entailed me bending, lifting, loading, and walking back and forth to the trailer.  I am counting that as my workout! 🙂

Tuesday workout:  Although it was difficult I got through 1 3/4 rounds of the kettle ball workout. 30 minute walk in the mid afternoon heat and humidity! Sweating did occur folks! 🙂  Reached 10,359 steps, my embroidery and the couch won out.  I had a project I needed to finish and I just didn’t make the effort to get up and move at 9:30pm!

 

Weight-less Wednesday 5/27/2015


Weightless Wednsdays

 

What I did this past week was log my workouts since I seem to be starting some new things.  This is for the person that is just starting out exercising or starting over!  We can do this! We can do this!

Day 1 workout- Thursday:  Walked 10 minutes.  I chose this kettle ball workout on youtube to get started with some strengthening.  I am going to admit a few things now.  The kettle ball I use is 5 lbs, at this point I am only able to complete 1 round, there are 3.  But I feel good about this start!  Then I decided to walk down my country road for part of my walking workout today.  The sun was lovely over the corn field and our farm.  Unfortunately my calf ended up in great pain about three-quarter of the way through.  I stretched before and after but came in feeling defeated by the time I reached the house.   #honestypost

Day 2 workout- Friday:  As I attempted to get out of bed and work through the day my body was telling me how sore I was from Day 1 kettle ball workout.  That is good I presume and moving was the best thing, but my workout didn’t exist this day.  Ate fruit & veggies though!

Day 3 workout – Saturday: As I awoke, I laid in bed and knew if I didn’t workout in the morning, it wouldn’t happen AGAIN.  So I laid there envisioning myself doing a kettle ball workout and a walking routine indoors. (Because it literally was going to rain all day and it did just that!)  Finally after much imagining I arose and actually did the workouts to burn calories! My body still ached, but nothing like the day before! And my hubs joined me on the kettle ball workout!

Day 4 workout Sunday: Wet. Wet. Wet. I would rather walk outside than indoors with a  walking routine. I am a tad sore but not as bad as before. We attended church then loaded up in the car to head to cemeteries.  Not a day of working out but sitting.  😦

Day 5 workout – Monday: On Fire today folks!  Walked 1 hour, slow pace due to pain in calf, but did 3 miles with about 7000 steps.  Did Kettle ball workout too!  I actually made it through 1.5 rounds! Whoo hoo!

Day 6 workout – Tuesday: I did some walking with a friend and our kiddos.  Then in the afternoon my daughter and I headed to the park.  I did a 30 minute walk and ended up reaching my new daily step goal of 11,000 not too long after that!

I am feeling good already. I can tell the difference in just what a little activity can do for oneself.

Weigh less Wednesday

How about an update on our fruit/veggie challenge!   Although I may not quite reach enough veggie intake daily it is helping me to see how much I need to be eating.  It has shown me that I need to plan more and start earlier in the day.  I like the way it has brought our family together too.  My youngest daughter enjoys filling in her line on the chart and asking about amounts! So we are a work in progress but I like the reminder and accountability this challenge has given me and my family!

So what non-weight loss successes have you had this week?  I’m happy with the fact that I am back to working out more and eating better!

Grace is a gift,

Julie Continue reading “Weight-less Wednesday 5/27/2015”

Weight-less Wednesday 5/20/15


Weightless Wednsdays

 

I would like to start this week’s Weight-less Wednesday post by saying THANK YOU!  The comments I received after sharing last week’s post helped me to feel better.  I received comments that were people in the same boat, those with advice, and those that just liked it on Facebook.  Each of those were helpful and interesting and good.  I am grateful for each.

I decided a couple of things after last week.  I am going to continue walking as much as a I can, and completing this in the morning is a must.  If I don’t do it then, it won’t happen!  The other thing is I am committing to some strength training workouts at home.  I can’t really afford to go to a gym and something is better than nothing.  I have a few light weights to use.  If you have any workouts online to recommend, please do so! I would love some input here!

The other item I have committed to and created is a family challenge. My family means the world to me and since I am in charge of most of the meal planning and shopping what they eat begins with me a lot of the time.  The challenge is a fruit and vegetable intake.  I have looked up the recommended number of cups each of us should consume in a day. Since May is partly over, we began on the 18th.  Obviously my husband’s is greater than mine and then mine is less than my seven-year olds.  But we are committed to doing this together.  I finally just told them I need support and this is good for you too!

The chart I have made will sit on our bar countertop where it is easily accessible.  I know we all need things in front of us to remind us so this should help a lot!  I think the area that will challenge my spouse and I is the veggie side of things.  I like almost all of mine cooked, where he prefers raw or not many in a day.  Fruits will be the challenge for my little girl, she only likes about three types!

My goal is to have healthier intake for all of us, for me to have some support on this journey, and for the fun of competing to aid each of us along the way.  Whoever reaches their goal at the end get so to pick a fun family activity for us to do together.  It’s a win win for all!

So, what have you done this week to make a difference in your healthier lifestyle?  What hurdles have you overcome?  Is there someone who helped you pull out of a slump?

Grace is a gift,

Julie

Weight-less Wednesday 5/13/2015


Weightless Wednsdays

 

I have always said I would be honest here.  Today I will be blunt and tell how I’m feeling.  At the moment when writing this post on Monday afternoon I feel guilty.

Here’s why.

Clothes Weight Less Wednesday
And this isn’t even the shirts.

 

 

I know that looks like a simple thing.  Folded pants in two piles on a bed, but to me it’s much more.  It’s a huge amount of clothing that I can’t wear.  I can’t wear due to my inability to commit or change.

I have all these perfectly good clothes that I either can’t zip or pull up or even button, all while standing up I might add!

The other reason for guilt,there are people in the USA and other countries that do not have but one or two pairs of pants to wear. That’s their total wardrobe and I have all this that is just sitting in my closet. Waiting.

These pants are waiting on me to stop the mindless eating, the processed food intake, and exercise to where I sweat and build muscle.  I ask myself as I stand looking at them today, “what’s wrong with me?” (I really did.)

I am a good person, a strong woman, a happy person in pretty much all aspects of my life. I can raise children, take care of my husband, feed an army if I have to, plan mission projects, complete paperwork for a farm operation, and do many other things.

But I can not for the life of me stick with this healthy lifestyle stuff.

Folks,  I’m at that point where it’s giving up or giving in or whatever one says.  The point where you just go on and act like you don’t see the image or how you feel.  Nothing is motivating me, even looking at this pile it doesn’t make me want to turn on Youtube and do a workout or start logging my food.  I feel like that point where I want to stop.

I hate that point. The point of failure.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

Grace is a gift,

Julie

 

P.S.   I’m scheduling my post and it’s Tuesday night.  I have walked for an hour the last two days & it feels good.  I know that’s not enough activity to really help my body shape or weight but mentally it’s a great thing.  I’m really not into taking things to lose weight to be healthy, I just need to commit to what I need to. Healthy eating and more movement. I pray for that to come.