What Did I Get From Him?

Dad Collage

The few last weeks I’ve been thinking of my Dad more often.  It seems when I watch my husband and our nine year old daughter together,  my own dad comes to mind.  As I pondered thoughts I was trying to figure out what “things” my own father taught me as I grew up.

When I wrote this piece for his funeral I meant every word.  Many things to be grateful for but yet a 46 year old daughter longing to recall exactly what he taught her is puzzling.   My parents divorced when I was 11 and he was basically absent the couple years before that more or less.  It’s hard to think of any of my daughters being without their fathers. Fortunately they all have had active ones their entire lives.  I hope they realize what a blessing that is.


This post isn’t a bashing on my deceased father, it’s a thought process.  It’s how I deal with things that fester and instead of letting them grow into something ugly, I’ll turn it into something good.  That working through words will weave an acceptance to an area of my life.

I think he may have even been okay with it.  Writing letters.  I suppose he taught me that. After the divorce we wrote to one another. This was my only real connection with him. He didn’t get me every other weekend or call.  He wasn’t much of a talker.

I recall playing poker with my Dad once, I’m sure there were other times too.  I think I remember it so well because it was Christmas time and my brother and I ended up walking home from our grandparents house.  His pickup broke down and it was freezing out.

There was the time Dad and I were in my Grandpa’s pickup.  YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE came on the radio and he sang to me.  It was funny.  There was more turmoil than laughter in my childhood so this memory is very precious.

He didn’t teach me to ride a bike or even drive a car. Elementary and high school graduations he didn’t attend or the birth of my first daughter.   The absence of him as I began dating was hard but I had a good replacement at the time.  My step-father came into the picture when I was around 14.  I still longed to have my Dad present in my life but Bob really was a good father figure.

I can look in the mirror and see physical traits that resemble my Dad.  But as the youngest of his four children, the question what did he teach me that enables me to conduct my life the way I do is present.

Yesterday I was watching this music video, my Dad came to mind.  I showed it to my youngest daughter, the one that seemed to “give him a new reason to live back in 2008”  as my husband put it.  Johnny Cash always reminded me of my Dad, the physical traits mostly and his size.  As I watched the video with my daughter I couldn’t keep the tears away.


Almost three years and I still miss the man that I am not sure taught me much.  I’m okay with that I guess.  I am not so very curious for the words I have placed upon this post have brought acceptance I suppose.  Hugs from that little girl he thought was pretty special made things better too.

mother daughter



The Father I Live With Today

This day represents a time to celebrate fathers.  My father is no longer living so I  chose today to blog about someone else.  The father I live with.  My husband.


This man became a father at the age of 36 when he married me.  I had two daughters by my first marriage.  He not only moved in with all females after living with only one his entire life, but became a father figure instantly.  Twelve years later he is a trooper and there are reasons it worked well for our blended family. More on that in a moment.

The father I live with today

To be honest, my husband had not had much interaction or time spent with children prior to our marriage.  He worked in construction and was a farmer.  His only interaction was basically when his niece and nephew were visiting.  He grew up in a household of four boys so all things female in 2003 might have rocked his world just a tad! 🙂

I think part of why it worked so well is my daughters were already half grown and had an active father in their life. They were 14 and 10, so when we married things were pretty set.  My husband brought to the family a patience and quiet support.  He helped me make decisions but mostly he has been a father figure with knowledge most girls may not have the opportunity to be aquainted with.  He accepted his position and filled it with grace I feel.  I am grateful my daughters have him in their lives and that he respected me enough and them to be the good example he is.

The Father I Live with Today 2

In 2008 he became a father of his own child. Although she is not of his blood, he could not love her anymore than if she was.  He endured loss to obtain the joy of fatherhood through adoption and rose to the position of Daddy.  In my books he could perhaps disipline more but honestly he does so much more for her as a father than I could ask for I suppose I could make an exception.  🙂   Since I was lacking an interactive father most of my life the opportunity to watch my husband be a father has become a joyous experience.  The time he spends with her, the knowledge he shares, and the love he gives is good.  She is a lucky little girl.  I hope she grows up to know that.

So, the father that lives in my house is a man of many things.  He provides for our family, aids the older girls with questions and advice, teaches the youngest to hunt, play, farm, and about God.  But mostly he loves his family with a whole heart.

The Father I live with today 3

I thank God for showing me a different side to the man I married via fatherhood.  May he know daily how thankful I am.

Happy Father’s Day my love!

Grace is a gift,


Photo is owned by Julie V. and use or duplication is not allowed without written permission of the owner of this blog.
Photo is owned by Julie V. and use or duplication is not allowed without written permission of the owner of this blog.