Widow Maker

Whenever the following phrase “widow maker” is used, whether it be in a television show, conversation with others, or online somewhere, the hair on the back of neck instantly stands up.


The back story about that phrase will take us to the time my mother, rest her soul, was in the hospital in 2015.  I’ve written of her prior because writing through my grief was incredibly helpful.  You can search my blog (home page, right side, enter mother or grief) to find various posts.  I have sprinkled a few throughout this post as well.


I can see and hear the surgeon that worked on my mother the night she survived just that.

A widow maker.

Our family was in a cozy, which really means small waiting room, it was darker than I think it should have been.  But it was late into the night. While I sat across from the doctor, I had full view of his scrubs and younger than I anticipated face, all while I tried to focus through the fear I had.  As I mention, he stated she survived a widow maker and wasn’t sure how because people do not do that.

At that time I didn’t know what exactly the widow maker meant or how it would come to correlate with the woman I watched in the ER earlier that night, it all came to to me later.

The image of my mother in the ER earlier that night is stuck in a compartment in my memories.  It only comes out when allowed and it’s not what I dwell on when I think of her.  But it is part of the memory of her.  It hurts to think back at my mother enduring pain like no other.  Fighting to breathe.  Fight to live.  So much pain that she wasn’t understandable when she spoke.  My mother was enduring a widow maker for longer than she should have and still came out of surgery  alive.

Alive yet not in the same manner that we knew her. When we were finally able to see her the image took my breath away and the sight is another etching in that compartment I mentioned.  Her strength was dwindling and remembering back the images from that night and the next few days come together as a story.

This is probably a good time for me to tell you why I’m writing this post. Because I was inspired by a stupid television drama that everyone is raving about.  Yes I watch it, I did Sunday night, and as the doctor said widow maker, my husband’s head instantly jerked to look at me. It always does because he witnessed my mother’s journey while sitting next to me.  Another reason is that the very next morning the Today show shared in my Facebook newsfeed this article about cardiac arrest & This Is Us.   

By the way, I didn’t cry one tear during that show.  It was the dumb commercial after about a family moving into a house and there were markings on the wall where kids had been measured that made me tear up.  Why?  Because my mom used to measure ALL her grandchildren in her kitchen.


I know that This is Us and the Today Show are marketing for various reasons but the main one I like to think is Heart Health. Call me naive! But I’m going with that one!

February is Heart Health month

American Heart Association graphic

I am rounding out the story with this.  My mother was a strong,  even in the end.  There were things in her life that she had no control over that harmed her heart but there were many choices she made that did harm her heart.

Watching a parent or anyone die is a difficult thing to do.  I don’t regret being by her side or with my siblings through it.  But it also makes me realize I have work to do in my own life.  Even though I started a healthier lifestyle a year ago, I have very far to go, and a great deal to apply to my life.  I have no idea the circumstances of when or how I will die.  What I do know is the choices I make today will impact the next generation, my children.

My mother (and father) ran their hearts far longer than they should have.  Today I want to bring awareness to you about heart health, the love of family, the journey that gets us to the end.

Now. It’s up to you what you do next.  Choice is the one thing we have in our power.  Let me give you some ideas.

  • Choose to try.
  • Choose to move.
  • Choose to stop smoking.
  • Choose to eat better.
  • Choose to love others.
  • Choose to educate yourself.
  • Choose to push the obstacles aside.
  • Choose to smile.
  • Choose to get help.
  • Choose to kick your own butt today!
  • Choose to be better.
  • Choose to lend a hand.
  • Choose to extend care.
  • Choose to motivate another.

What do you choose to do today?

Thanks for stopping by!





I was not paid to write any of this.

If you like the post and think heart health is important share it on social media to bring awareness.




My Journey with Diabetes/Bringing It Down – 2018 Goals – #14

DOWN with the D (2)


One of the best tools I took away last year from learning about changing a lifestyle is the following.

Write out your goals and then write out the plan to get there. 

If I can give one bit of advice that is what I would give.  I took a spiral notebook and it ended up being my pal for the past year.


I am normally a very “neat” person when it comes to logging and even writing out my grocery list. I like to start with a clean crisp piece of paper, lines always too.  But as the year went on  it wasn’t important to see straight lines and logging columns.  To me it was seeing progress and the ability to revisit my goals and my plan.  Although I lost my way a few times I am now content with the result I ended with in 2017.  I’ve come to terms I did some great accomplishments for myself and my family.

But it is not time to stop.  It is time to “up my game” and make yet another commitment to making the vessel God gave me stronger.  So, now I will share my goals and my plan for 2018.

My hope is to find the inner strength to move forward and remember that baby steps CAN make a huge difference.  That when I am feeling overwhelmed and upset as I was last week that there is still hope and a fire deep inside me.  Like I’ve said before, no one can make me do this, only me.  Which means that no one can stop me from doing this either!

Disclaimer – I  have already begun some of the items in my plan.  I am going on a girl’s trip this weekend, I’m sure I will indulge at some point.  But I do have a plan in my head and a commitment to workout both days. 

2018 Goals

2018 Goals

2018 plan

Current levels (just for fun!)

10,000 steps most days (January so far, only 1 days with less than 10K)

45 minute workout per day

Eating out – since starting 2018 have ate out less than previous months

Motivate/Inspire others, #keep movin group, brother and cousin too

Meals: half a plate of veggies at dinner

oatmeal or cream of wheat w/banana for breakfast most days

Thank you to everyone that has supported me in 2017.  It really did help to have others with me.  Even if you only commented on my social media posts or complimented how I looked. Encouraging others is a great way to make life better.  So from my heart, thank you.

Well I think that about does it for this post.  It’s time to get up from this computer and move!  Thanks for swinging by!






My Journey with Diabetes/Bringing It Down – #13 (January 2018) New Year

DOWN with the D (2)

My annual check-up has happened and I am on my way.  On my way to my next set of goals.  I knew going in I wanted to lose another 10 pounds in 2018.  To some that may seem like a small amount to take an entire year to lose,  but to me it seems like a challenge.  In 2017  I lost 13 pounds and have kept it off.

That was how my draft of this post looked, the night before my appointment.  Here’s how I wrote it after my appointment.

Now that I’ve gone through my hissy fit and self-loathing I’m ready to sit down and share.  Yep.  The high expectations of myself and the results not being exactly what I wanted makes for a “fussy” Julie.

The results of my AC1 were good, not 5.9 but still good. 6.1 to be exact.  Yes, I was disappointed in myself but if I’m honest,  that is fabulous for the things I have ate in the last three months! I made it through the holidays and beginning of winter with only a .2 increase!  My doctor wants me under 7 by the way.

BUT… there’s always a but, am I right?

There’s this little thing called high cholesterol.  It runs in the DNA I share with my family.  You know what is coming, right?  Yep, my cholesterol overall is high and my “bad” cholesterol is double what it should be.

I’ll be honest this wasn’t a shocker as my labs the past couple years have been reflecting the gradual increase.  I felt the irritation really set in when she mentioned taking medicine for it and that my age is approaching 50.  We will monitor it for the next year and discuss it at that time.

I left the doctor’s office feeling less than stellar although I received a pretty healthy report.

I guess I wanted to walk in there still feeling I conquered and maintained my AC1, while  eating on the sly.  The little too much tidbits of chocolate and breads, the beef and eggs filling me along with those green salads.  The green salads justify the plate right?  🙂   I am far from failing.  I know this.

I am making my way to figuring out how to adjust (once again) to things that have been placed in my path.  I’m not 100% there but I’ve got tidbits floating around for 2018 in my head.

For instance I know I’d like to lose another 10 pounds in 2018, firm up these jiggly thighs and continue conquering this tummy area.  I want to continue a healthier lifestyle for me and my family.

I have my handy spiral notebook with fresh clean pages ready to fill in.  I have notes jotted down and I’ve been reflecting on photographs from the past year. I’ve visited that Facebook post my cousin-in-law wrote months ago that inspired me to step up my game, and my new Garmin fitness tracker will be here today.  And last but not least I can’t forget my #keepmovin group of friends supporting me or my older brother, who until recently I could beat on our Samsung challenges to motivate me! (I will beat him again someday!) 🙂


The photo on right: Jan. 2017  the photo on left is January 2018.  
This life isn’t just about the physical side of things.  It’s about the emotional side as well.  I have to take the time to process, in my own way, so I can find the empowerment to move forward physically.

Until next time,



P.S. If you have any good recipes that are low carb and low fat that do not include fish or turkey I would love them.  🙂


Closing Out 2017


There will be and has been a lot of “year in review” and “2017” posts this week out on the world wide web.  I am just now starting my own at 9:00 p.m. on New Year’s Eve. (and didn’t post until January 3rd!)

Looking back at my blog posts I see I wrote about dancing in the kitchen and then there was the one about my 2017 Word.  They inspire me to reflect on where I am today  compared to last year at this same time.

I’m happy to share that in 2017 I did make changes in my life.  I took baby steps, which is not my normal route when doing things.  At times I fell off the right path, into the one of least resistance (remember I love brownies) and then got back on track to finish what I came into 2017 vowing I would do!

So many different emotions were involved in 2017!  Times of excitement, anticipation, anxiety, successes, and failures, they were all part of the year I chose to FOCUS on me!  There were distractions, brownies eaten, half plates of veggies, and two bite only sweets.  Let us not forget the low blood sugar episodes that come with the sweats and being delirious momentarily.  How about the high blood sugar with whopping headaches and blurry vision!

Then the times of balance.  Those were like I was walking on a cloud!

The poking of my fingers, the magic numbers, and the money spent on supplies.  All part of my life now.  The family that endured me trying to find a balance those first three months and surviving my hangry moments.  (My angry ones too!)

My year in review isn’t all about my move to get healthier but it is a daily thing for me.  It’s part of who I am, who I have to be.  I spent some time posting daily on my personal social media, honestly it helped me.  I felt like I was being held accountable even if no one commented or clicked like.  I had to post, it was motivation to #keepmovin.  Then I stopped, mostly in fear of becoming annoying.

One thing I have found  that I’m proud of myself for is my dedication to getting healthier. Although there were people who clicked like or commented once awhile, ultimately I have learned that it’s really up to me.  I have to be the one to push myself and stay focused.

In the world today ( me included) we tend to lose interest pretty quickly, especially if it isn’t about ourselves.  So why would anyone be interested in how far I walked today or the photo of myself or the road ahead while I walked?  Don’t get me wrong, thank you to those that have supported me and given me high-fives.  It has helped, but I learned in 2017 that I can do something on my own. It may not be easy but I can and did primarily.

I come to this conclusion mostly because….

  • No one is going to hold my hand and poke it to draw blood four to six times a day.
  • No one is going to look at me and say “Julie, stop don’t eat that second helping of pasta.” (NOT EVEN MY FAMILY)
  • No one is going to ask me “did you keep moving today?”
  • No one is going to make me go to my annual checkup.

No one….. but ME.

It’s on me.  Just like it was on me when I gained weight.

My 2018 goals will be shared later in January.  I am already working on them but plan to make a post after visiting my doctor and seeing my six month lab results.  To be honest the past month and half has been a struggle for me.  There have been stresses that play a big factor and the holiday food mixed with colder temperatures play a part.  But I am not going to dwell on the past weeks.  The past 12 months have been better than the prior 48!  I am going to look forward and keep moving to a better me.

So I’d like to end my 2017 year in review with this.

It was a year of successes and challenges that is ending with a healthier individual writing this blog. One that still has miles to go but is ready to take 2018 on!

It’s just that simple.

Untitled design (1)
I couldn’t find many pictures of my husband & I in 2017 together. Hmm…..


Happy New Year!



My Journey with Diabetes/Bringing It Down – #12 (December)

DOWN with the D (2)

I wanted to be sure to do one more update before I hit my one year mark which falls in mid January.  I haven’t accomplished all my goals since my October post but I feel okay with where I am at physically.  I  must credit my first visit with my new physician with helping me to feel good and #keepmovin!

After going to the same doctor since 1995 we decided to make the change to a new doctor.  The doctor didn’t do anything wrong, we just had our reasons for changing to a new doctor/hospital in another town.  We had debated this topic for two years and finally took the leap.

I know she was probably trying to “win me over” but I’m going with that she really really meant what she said! 🙂 After she spoke to her PA and heard my diabetes story she walks in and says the following.

“I hear you are my new poster child for Diabetes!”

I laughed. (me… really? that’s so funny!)

Apparently dropping from 7.2 on the AC1 test to 5.9 in six months is some kinda rock star action! 🙂 That was December 2016 and then July 2017.  My next test is a month from now.

But honestly, I needed to hear some encouraging words on that very day and she provided them!  Thank you Dr. D!   (Bonus, my hubs was present so he got to hear it too!)

Then Dr. D. said the following as I shared my thoughts and working on eating during this time of year.

“Give Yourself Some Grace This Month”

That’s what she said and I instantly felt a heaviness lifted from my shoulders.  I also repeat that to myself about 40 times a day now.  And not just in regards to eating.

“Give Yourself Some Grace”

When I think of grace I guess I primarily think of God giving it.  But it helps to think in terms that myself and others can do that as well.  Although without God I wouldn’t be able to do it at all.

By the way diabetes isn’t going away.  The fact that I lost some weight, stay active, and eat healthier than I used to is why it’s in a “pre-diabetes” stage.  But at any given time it could change. I have an insulin resistance.  But the best thing I can do is stay pro-active.

Now that I’ve documented my rock star moment let’s move onto other stuff!


People.  I’m telling you, literally writing my step count each morning,  two of my own emoji for how I’m feeling, and whether I ate out or not is a great tool.  I keep it in my bathroom, access, access, access!


Reviewing at the end of the month is easy and right in front of me. OR I can see all of it together in a moment’s notice mid-month and get myself re-centered!

My November stats:

Eating out:  I average 10 to 11 times per month.  (I know, that’s really not healthy or financially smart, new goal 2018!)  Six months ago the case!  Time management & meal planning needed!

There were  6 days out of 30 that I got less than 10,000 steps in.

There were 4 days out of 30 that I got MORE than 10,000 steps in. (that is low actually from other months)

I also reviewed my little emoji’s.  I would log how I felt when I woke up and then by the end of the day.  I think this will be beneficial in the long run so I can see how I tie food intake and emotions together.

I also measured and weighted my body and reviewed my DiabetesM app information.  This is the app I use to log my blood sugars.  It helps me see where I need to work on my food intake and exercise to benefit my blood sugars. The first screen shows me what it thinks my AC1 level is at. AC1 levels is the test that reflects my blood sugars for the past 3 months.  I can tell you right now November was a month of not eating correctly at supper time!

On a side note, I am not posting as much on my personal social media about my daily exercise journey.  I kind of miss it but had taken Facebook app off my phone for awhile.  I also felt like me sharing positive and happy things in my life might bother someone else. If their life isn’t going smoothly or they are dealing with difficult things. I know I have found myself having feelings not so kind when scrolling.  My life isn’t any better than anyone elses, my hope when I share is it inspire.

I have other ways of communicating with others that have shown interest in my posts or told me I am helping them. (Snapchat, texting, and FB private group) It feels good to me that something that affected my life so much a year ago has come to help others.   I pray I can continue to get healthier and spend many years playing with my grandkids on the living room floor!

Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to comment or ask questions!




Bringing it Down – #11

DOWN with the D (2)

This post was to make it’s way published October 1st,  as you can tell I never did that.  I was busy and struggling to decide what I wanted to say. Here goes.

I know my eating isn’t exactly the way it should be.  Too many processed foods have entered the picture, or better yet my mouth on too many occasions.  My blood sugars are still really good.  I like to chalk that up to the walking routine and not over eating in most table settings.

I’d like to mention that there have been bouts of emotional stress during the past month.  Which was brought on by lack of sleep and quite possibly the depression that resides within me.  Although both should be manageable, at times they are not.

It’s just a cycle.  Lack of sleep or interrupted sleep = crankiness= eractic reactions=feelings of highs and major lows = eating mindlessly= feeling physically yucky = mental let down of oneself.

But come October 1st I found the determination to get on course and make some changes to my goals!  And so far so good!

I’m a visual person.  I like to actually SEE things to remind me and to really get the whole picture.  I am going back to a simple system.  I am using this calendar to log things daily. I still use my Garmin Connect and Samsung Health app but this is kept in my bathroom.


I have started doing some indoor walking workouts from Leslie Sansone.  I am doing the ones that include hand weights. I feel at home with her if that makes sense, she doesn’t seem fake or pushy.   It’s not too hard either, although I know I walk faster doing her workouts than when alone outside. I know this is where a walking buddy would really help me when walking outdoors. Speed things up, if you know what I mean!

So my goals include the following:

10,000 steps 6 out of 7 days a week

Less processed foods intake.

Snack planning (meals too)

Strength training every other day.

Eat out no more than twice a week.

Look at my plate before starting to eat. Are vegetables half the plate?


That’s it. That’s where I am at.

Things I want to be able to look back in regards to  in this journey are….

I can feel a waist again. Just a little but it’s there.

The scale hovers at 199 and 200.   (Yes I really did just put my weight on the world wide web, it’s okay.  It’s a number.  Last month that drove me nuts, now it just makes me determined even more.  I want to be out of the 200’s and be far enough away to really celebrate it!

People are noticing a physical change.  I hope they notice the mental too. Thank you to those that have complimented me. It really is a help!

Winter is coming, that means my work is cut out for me.  It will be easy to be lazy, acknowledge the struggles and celebrate the successes, right!

It hasn’t been easy but in 10 months I’ve made a difference in ME.  I’ve moved forward.  I can continue this life change and in January when I meet with my diabetic educator feel proud of it all!

Until next time!







Bringing It Down – #10

Below is the post I shared on my personal Facebook page today.  There is more I’ve felt, accomplished, failed at, and shared but this is a good start.  I’m proud of where I am and can feel that I need to step up a few more things in my life.  I hope you enjoy today’s post.

DOWN with the D (2)

58 days ago I was motivated by another individual and their social media post.  He motivated me to get myself out of the 8,000 steps a day mode and kick it up a notch.  I am grateful for him and his posts on various aspects of his life.
To hold myself accountable I decided to post daily and possibly motivate others.  I post my fitness tracker progress throughout the day in comments as well.

It has helped me a great deal to stay accountable and keep moving.  I’ve also received feedback and support from people.  Thank you to all of you that have helped me.

In those 58 days….

I have missed reaching my goal 10 out of 58 days.

I have bounced back from times of depression quicker than usual.

If I do not get 5,000 steps before noon I’m probably in trouble.

I have lost less than one pound.

Taking 3 small walks a day is better than no walks.

I have clothes that fit better.

I’ve been frustrated.

I have gained support from old friends.

I’ve ate better but still need improvement.

I realized sleep is essential, power naps are okay.

Sunrises are pretty spectacular here in Kansas.

My knees and leg have hurt and I wonder why I even try.

Stretching is a must for this lady.

I am the only person that can really make myself care about me.

My hip hurts more if I don’t walk often.

My feelings still get hurt but I probably don’t blow it out of proportion as much.

It’s social media, if someone doesn’t like your post, they can unfollow you or scroll by, just do your thing.

My process  and progress is slow.

Support is really great, but you don’t always have it.

My blood sugar numbers are super good on average!

Guilt within yourself can be a tool to motivate.

Walking to the corner of my road and back can give me 1500 to 2000 steps in no time.  Quick as that!

It’s okay to still eat yummy sweet stuff or carbs… just don’t overload.

Pay attention to you. Mindless living doesn’t work in my situation.

A little girl is watching my every move.

My process is just that.  Mine.




Bringing It Down – #9

It’s interesting that I was finally able to share this series on Facebook.  I was at a point where I felt confident (for two seconds) to hit post, so I went with it a couple weeks ago.  I still haven’t done it on my personal page but over on our farm blog page I did it.

Some things happened that I had to change my series title and that threw me into a place of disarray.  I have now composed myself (to some degree).  After a day or two I gathered my running thoughts and emotions and got down to business.  Arranging and organizing and feeling more in control once again.

Balanced.                 That’s it.               Balanced is what I felt.

Instead of having FOCUS as my 2017 word  it should have been balance.  I’ve repeated it, in my mind so many times, over the course of this past eight months!  I should have it down! But occasionally I tip one way or another just a little too much and find myself in a frenzy.


For example, today I wasn’t able to fit in the 30 minute walk before work I had planned. Due to circumstances out of my control!  BUT instead of letting my emotions get the best of me I took the time to sneak a 10 minute walk in.  The old me would have made up some excuse to just skip it.  Even though I already know my lunch hour will be filled with me eating out and running errands.  No real workout then either.

Here’s the deal, I’ve changed my brain somewhat, my thinking.  I know for a fact that if I do not get movement into my day my blood sugar will be higher and I will feel bad physically.  The movement keeps me in check and helps both mentally and physically.


I did buy a package of donuts before walking, it was an emotional buy, no doubt.  This was not a good move BUT once again I turned a negative into a “not so negative” situation.  I only ate half the package.  I had already ate low sugar oatmeal for breakfast.  That’s like 25 carbs alone, and the donuts (half) were about the same.  Yes 45 is my target but this was a meal with not really much healthy carbs in my books.

I took my blood sugar and it came back 151.  target range for after meals is 140.  Do you know why it’s not as high as I predicted?


THE WALKING!  A little 10 minute walk can make such a difference and this is what keeps me coming back.

Finding the balance.  That’s what works for me.  That’s what I want to continue for the rest of my life.  Not a strict diet plan or exercise regiment, but a balance that suits my life while benefitting my health.

Movement.  I still try to walk about 45 minutes daily 5 out of 7 days. My goal is 10,000 steps per day so it’s been more like 6 or 7 days out of a week to reach it.  I have started biking with my daughter.  It’s taking some getting used to but last night I went 14 minutes.  That’s pretty good for the lady that could hardly do 7 minutes the first time.

Diet.  I still am not counting my carbs necessarily for my meals. I am looking at the plate to visual and plan what I need it to look like.  I have been eating more “non-healthy” snacks of recent.  I am noticing the way I am feeling and need to back off this habit. Grocery shopping for September is right around the corner so planning is crucial.

Support. Here is where it’s has been extremely helpful for me.  I have two gal pals T & N that stay in daily contact with me to help me.  I hope I am doing enough to support them as well.  It has really helped me.  I also am doing some challenges through Samsung Health app and my Garmin Connect app.

The other daily thing I started about 30 some days ago is posting on my personal Facebook page.  I use a photo from my walks and add words. I have placed them all in an album together.  I write different things depending on my mood.  And there are days where I just do not want to “talk” so I write 10,000.  (I put that at the end of each post too.)

Throughout the day in comments I add a photo, normally of my Garmin Vivofit 3 showing my steps status.  I figure in a year my Facebook “ON THIS DAY” this will remind me where I was and where I am wanting to be.  It’s another tool in my motivational box of goodies.

Also I hope I inspire someone else.

But honestly, its mostly for myself.

A selfie on that 10 minute walk!


Until next time,

Stay moving,




Bringing It Down – Diabetes #1

This post was held for publishing until I was over the six month mark of my health journey.  I had to feel mostly confident and positive progress before sharing.  In my life, too many times, I’ve started something only to feel I failed.  This time needed to be different and so far it is.  Six months was goal number one.

If you care to follow the series just subscribe to receive emails in the top left corner of this blog.

Those minor changes I mentioned in my 2017 word post began on January 3rd, but reality hit when I received the call about my A1C number in December. (Diabetes)  The reality of trying to fill my pain, grief, sadness, anger and lack of confidence  with food (and sedentary actions) has brought about a not so lovable thing.  Hold tight… more on that in a moment.

Those conversations I mentioned before in this post, well they were not life changing but they changed me enough to feel free.  It felt as though someone was finally listening to me and although in a quiet manner the results helped me take a baby step towards feeling less alone.  That tiny bit of support where I felt I could say out loud feelings I had felt ashamed of having , actually enabled me.

So now I will share with you in hopes that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation you know you aren’t alone.

But first a few things I need to get out.

  • I don’t completely understand why I was so affected by the death of my parents. Why it knocked me so far down.
    • It’s not like I was super close to either of them or saw them all the time. It’s not like I grew up in a cozy happy situation.
  • Okay, I do know one reason. It’s because  I’m out of time.
    • Out of time to ask those questions.  Ask the questions that make people uncomfortable and aren’t pretty.  The ones that could give me answers or explain why things happened to me.  Silence can be a killer in itself I think sometimes.
  • I loved them.
    • No matter what happened in life, I loved them.  They were the parents that created me. 
  • Why didn’t they take better care of themselves?
    • Who am I to talk, look where I am now.

That freeing I spoke of earlier, it came when I said out loud, to my spouse, the part about time running out to ask the questions. That was a turning point for me.

This photo helped me move forward. Jan. 2017

All those words you just read were written a few month ago, but they still resonate with me.  They still bring forward to my mind that the path I am now on is one that is really important.  I’ve held off blogging about this part of my life for  fear of failure,  and afraid those that see me often will watch my plate each time I fill it. (like they have nothing else to do, right?)

I’m ready to share now.  Maybe it’s because I’ve met with my Diabetes Educator  a few times.   Actually,  it’s because I feel more in control then I have in a few years.  Whatever the reason I’m not going to force myself to journal but I will write when necessary about DOWN WITH THE D. In hopes that it will help others and yes even keep me on track for life.

Down with the D Series # 2 – 5 will be published soon.  Subscribe so you can read the next step in the series as at this moment I don’ t feel comfortable sharing on my personal social media pages.






Bringing It Down – Diabetes #2

Written early March 2017

When dealing with life changes, whether it’s in regards to eating, stopping a bad habit, starting therapy, stopping therapy, or whatever, it’s not an easy path.  Although I do believe a support system is essential it really comes down to the individual.  No one is going to move you forward, they might assist but ultimately you have to take that first step alone.  And that first step isn’t going to come until you are ready.

My first assistance was that blood test that showed my AC1 at 7.2 and the phone call from the doctor with options.  I chose the option to visit with a Diabetic Educator named Kathy.  I spent up until the day after my 46th birthday eating as I wanted.  I began logging food and trying my best from December 27th to January 3rd, then I met Kathy.

Kathy explained things in simple terms and allowed me to ask questions.  She allowed my spouse to ask questions and she even visited about my fears.  Tears fell because of the emotions I was feeling and she never made me feel bad for it.

I now take my blood sugar glucose tests at least 2 to 3 times a day. Once before meals and once two hours after eating.


In the past couple months I’ve been on the high side emotionally, the frustrated, tantrum throwing, not to mention the low side.  You name it, I’ve probably felt it.  Kathy gave me just a few things to start out with.  45 grams of carbs per meal and 15 per snack.  Going in I knew I needed to expect less of myself.  That probably sounds odd but it’s true.  I have high expectations for myself and that can lead to me taking the long fall down to failing!

This time I wrote about moving into a different level of this journey.  I felt it needed to be shared because only writing about the good or positive moments isn’t reality or truth. I won’t hide in the goodness of life, the ugly is part of it.  Just have to choose how to deal with it.