It Is All Connected


feet leg health

My body is failing me (again).  At least that’s how it feels.

See, I’ve injured my foot so walking for long periods or at a higher rate of intensity only injures it more. But if I rest/sit too long my bad hip will become quite painful.

It seems to me there’s a connection between things.  One thing depending on the other in some form or way.

I need to walk/exercise  to keep my mental state and diabetes  in control. Not to mention my hip from aching. But yet I have to sit to rest my foot, not to mention at the job I hold, I sit at a desk entering  data to provide  for my family financially.

My feet have to carry me in my daily journeys. One being to that job and one to workouts, all while carrying  a substantial  amount of weight. My poor feet, no wonder one gave out! 🙂

One depending on another. One needing to partner with the other to be successful.   When one is not functioning, the others can lack in their abilities.

I’m a thinker, so my mind questions.  Where do I find the balance without feeling depleted  or that I’ve failed something? Where do I find the strength to continue putting forth  the effort without feeling overwhelmed? Where do I  find healing and support  in the midst of uncertainty?

It’s hard for me not to get angry  at my body, but in reality I spent many years not caring for it in the manner  that I should have. (I still don’t 100%.)  I didn’t do my part to create a balance for my well being.

I know it could be so much worse and I’m not writing this for empathy or accolades.  I’m just a gal processing through words and throwing it up on social media in hopes it will help someone else.

See, I can take all that I just wrote and although I’m  speaking  of my  health, I could apply it to other parts of my life as well.

Relationships. Religion. Occupations. Goals. Dreams. Food intake. Life choices.  You get the picture.

Ponder that for a moment with me.  Look at how we are connected to more than ONE thing.  Also how those connections are what creates a balance or lack of in our lives.

From the “always thinking writer with the bad left side,” I want to end with this.

If it is healing you need, may you find it.  If it’s a partner you seek, may you fall in line with a dependable one.  If it’s a new occupation or calorie counting app may it guide you to connections to continue forth.

Whatever connection you are needing, I hope you find it with little pain and much joy.

Julie

Advertisements

April 1, 2018 – No Joke


20180310_151950[1]

Writtern on April 1, 2018  Easter and April Fool’s Day

When you feel no more can be withstood.

Many people are rejoicing today and pulling pranks on their friends.  The first I speak of are Christians for it’s Easter and Jesus has risen!  The second folk are enjoying April Fool’s Day.  Perhaps you are a combination of both.  For me today is a day of attending church service and an Easter supper with my children, I’m not much of a prankster.  Knowing my personality, if one did an xray my funny bone would be quite small.

For me today is a bout of less than stellar emotions. So much to rejoice about yet I can’t knock myself out of this funk.  I know what led me to the depressive emotions, but unable to write about it here or even if I did I know it would make no difference in reality.

Oh don’t worry, I won’t show the downer state at the church service or even at my family gathering.  The nice clothes for church and the smile will appear, even the Happy Easter acolade will slip from my mouth.  I will be happy for the others,  my children around my dinner table, and grandchildren finding Easter eggs will bring me joy.  Then all will go home, the dim state will creep back in, and I will have to figure out how to push through.

Because that is what I do.  I push through, my mother taught me that without even saying the words.  Her example was to bulldoze the challenge ahead of her and never let it win.   Eventually the body gave out and the challenge won.  It was probably for the best, she was tired I know, her fight was less than it was back in the day.  Is that how it will be for me?  Feeling like I am fighting for a life I want but can’t seem to quite grasp it?  Is this really all my own fault, self-inflicted?  I presume some will say yes, some will relate, and some will just scroll through to the next blog post that catches their eye.

I’m feeling tired already to be honest.  Everything seems to be a challenge and if I don’t reach the right level each day I then fall to the state of feeling that of a failure.  I suppose it’s the adjusting period, with the new schedule from the job, my workouts not being when they were, and change isn’t my real strong suit.

Oh there I go, I let you in on just a tad of what the reasons may be.  I always have been kind of an open book.  I mean, why else would I have a blog sharing words from my mind, heart, and soul.

Although of late I have seriously considered closing both blogs down.  Giving up on something I once loved to do to make room for something else in the schedule.  Why does everything have to feel  so hard to accomplish?  I don’t handle it as well as I used to ya know.

Does this blog post even intertwine and make sense?  Perhaps only in my mind. Basically it’s a moment in my life that I may not even recall six months from now.  I may not even give it a second thought next April 1st.  But in the reality of it all where to do I go from here?  What choices do I have before me that I can look at and not feel so overwhelmed?  Marking off my lists, conquering my challenge, stuffing the defeated self away until another cloudy day comes along.  That’s how it goes.

It’s April 11th and I am just now revisiting this post.  To be honest, I am very happy with my writing in this post.  I feel honest and that it is well written.  I had planned to revisit it sooner and share it.  But today is the day because there really isn’t much else to write about it except this.

The bouts of depression appear, they always do.  The stresses of life exist.  The joy filled moments take my breath away and the photographs I take remind me of happier times.  Reality exists and without any of this my life would be incomplete I presume.  

Julie

My Journey with Diabetes/Bringing It Down – 2018 Goals – #14


DOWN with the D (2)

 

One of the best tools I took away last year from learning about changing a lifestyle is the following.

Write out your goals and then write out the plan to get there. 

If I can give one bit of advice that is what I would give.  I took a spiral notebook and it ended up being my pal for the past year.

20180123_104946.jpg

I am normally a very “neat” person when it comes to logging and even writing out my grocery list. I like to start with a clean crisp piece of paper, lines always too.  But as the year went on  it wasn’t important to see straight lines and logging columns.  To me it was seeing progress and the ability to revisit my goals and my plan.  Although I lost my way a few times I am now content with the result I ended with in 2017.  I’ve come to terms I did some great accomplishments for myself and my family.

But it is not time to stop.  It is time to “up my game” and make yet another commitment to making the vessel God gave me stronger.  So, now I will share my goals and my plan for 2018.

My hope is to find the inner strength to move forward and remember that baby steps CAN make a huge difference.  That when I am feeling overwhelmed and upset as I was last week that there is still hope and a fire deep inside me.  Like I’ve said before, no one can make me do this, only me.  Which means that no one can stop me from doing this either!

Disclaimer – I  have already begun some of the items in my plan.  I am going on a girl’s trip this weekend, I’m sure I will indulge at some point.  But I do have a plan in my head and a commitment to workout both days. 

2018 Goals

2018 Goals

2018 plan

Current levels (just for fun!)

10,000 steps most days (January so far, only 1 days with less than 10K)

45 minute workout per day

Eating out – since starting 2018 have ate out less than previous months

Motivate/Inspire others, #keep movin group, brother and cousin too

Meals: half a plate of veggies at dinner

oatmeal or cream of wheat w/banana for breakfast most days

Thank you to everyone that has supported me in 2017.  It really did help to have others with me.  Even if you only commented on my social media posts or complimented how I looked. Encouraging others is a great way to make life better.  So from my heart, thank you.

Well I think that about does it for this post.  It’s time to get up from this computer and move!  Thanks for swinging by!

Julie

 

 

 

 

Bringing it Down – #11


DOWN with the D (2)

This post was to make it’s way published October 1st,  as you can tell I never did that.  I was busy and struggling to decide what I wanted to say. Here goes.

I know my eating isn’t exactly the way it should be.  Too many processed foods have entered the picture, or better yet my mouth on too many occasions.  My blood sugars are still really good.  I like to chalk that up to the walking routine and not over eating in most table settings.

I’d like to mention that there have been bouts of emotional stress during the past month.  Which was brought on by lack of sleep and quite possibly the depression that resides within me.  Although both should be manageable, at times they are not.

It’s just a cycle.  Lack of sleep or interrupted sleep = crankiness= eractic reactions=feelings of highs and major lows = eating mindlessly= feeling physically yucky = mental let down of oneself.

But come October 1st I found the determination to get on course and make some changes to my goals!  And so far so good!

I’m a visual person.  I like to actually SEE things to remind me and to really get the whole picture.  I am going back to a simple system.  I am using this calendar to log things daily. I still use my Garmin Connect and Samsung Health app but this is kept in my bathroom.

20171001_145531

I have started doing some indoor walking workouts from Leslie Sansone.  I am doing the ones that include hand weights. I feel at home with her if that makes sense, she doesn’t seem fake or pushy.   It’s not too hard either, although I know I walk faster doing her workouts than when alone outside. I know this is where a walking buddy would really help me when walking outdoors. Speed things up, if you know what I mean!

So my goals include the following:

10,000 steps 6 out of 7 days a week

Less processed foods intake.

Snack planning (meals too)

Strength training every other day.

Eat out no more than twice a week.

Look at my plate before starting to eat. Are vegetables half the plate?

 

That’s it. That’s where I am at.

Things I want to be able to look back in regards to  in this journey are….

I can feel a waist again. Just a little but it’s there.

The scale hovers at 199 and 200.   (Yes I really did just put my weight on the world wide web, it’s okay.  It’s a number.  Last month that drove me nuts, now it just makes me determined even more.  I want to be out of the 200’s and be far enough away to really celebrate it!

People are noticing a physical change.  I hope they notice the mental too. Thank you to those that have complimented me. It really is a help!

Winter is coming, that means my work is cut out for me.  It will be easy to be lazy, acknowledge the struggles and celebrate the successes, right!

It hasn’t been easy but in 10 months I’ve made a difference in ME.  I’ve moved forward.  I can continue this life change and in January when I meet with my diabetic educator feel proud of it all!

Until next time!

Julie

 

 

 

 

Bringing It Down – Diabetes #6


Written Mid- July 2017

I find myself realizing that just six months ago walking .83 of a mile took me 30 minutes or possibly more.  Today I am able to walk that same path in 18 to 20 minutes.  I’m no runner and I never want to be but I’m pretty proud of this.  I sometimes have to break my walks up throughout the day due to my schedule.  I feel bad when I look at my fitness tracker and see less than 4000 steps by 1:00 p.m.  But there are those days.  I’ve made some improvements in the physical part of my health, a ways to go but I’m headed in the right direction.

 

DSC_3239

This week I decided I might like to try riding a bike.  I have this old Schwinn bike that was my parents. I think it’s kinda cool.  But the tires on it are not made for country roads and with my balance issues it’s quite possible I’ll end up on the ground more often than not.  I’m hoping to try my husband or oldest daughter’s bike to decide if this is a new thing for me.  To see if the addition of bike riding will give me a little variety in life so to speak!  If all works with that adventure,  I might just have to trade my old Schwinn for a newer country road tire bike! 🙂

This week I noticed that when dining out I made good choices so to speak.  Did I still eat a hamburger and fries and even a chocolate shake.  Yes.  But the good choice for me was not picking the combo meal that had the largest size of those items.  I was enjoying my meal even though I didn’t stuff myself.  Then one evening my husband had brought home a piece of  homemade cherry pie.  (In his defense, he asked the diner if they had sugar free.)  I took about 3 bites and decided it was too sweet and I really didn’t want it.  Perhaps that was his plan all along……   🙂

One of the things I dislike is having my blood sugar level go too low, for a couple reasons.  I feel bad and then when I do eat it shoots up which causes other uncomfortable results.  So balance is really a key item in this game of controlling diabetes.  I can tell when my body reaches about 95 to 90, the too low symptoms begin to show.  If it makes it to 70 I need help!  But most of the time I keep it around 105 – 120 area before meals and after meals varies from 125 to 145 depending on what I eat.

I am still in the obese section for BMI.  I’m still in a size 18 and the scale hasn’t moved in a couple months.   I continue to love sweets and I do eat them.  The goodness for me is that I am taking the time to pay attention to my body.  I am sure if I had a trainer I would be even better off but that isn’t going to happen or the home chef.  Contentment with where I have come so far is important, moving forward is key as well but for now I’m okay with just settling into this new way.

Until next time,

Julie

The Mediocre Level


I wrote this piece not this week but prior.  Today as I decide to actually publish it I’ve felt pretty well.  In fact, the last few days have been good.  Writing allows me to process and move forward.  Not always staying ahead but not falling as far back as I once would is more of a normal thing now. I call that progress.

img_20170126_133323_605

I hate that my parents died. I hate that the questions go unanswered and the memories are all I have.   I feel broken from that stint I did in 2013. I hate that the confidence I used to feel inside me has been replaced with the lack thereof and the fear of the unknown.

The task of analyzing oneself can be taunting and at times the individual may find themselves grasping to get their head above water.

Currently I do not feel I am doing any area of my life with much excellence.  The ability to be exceedingly good at something has fallen from my life it seems.  I would say I am more in the “do what I need to and get by mode.”  I’ve been running on auto pilot for sometime now.  There’s been a couple of times I’ve began with a mindset of success to only find I fall into that mediocre level once again.  Even in the times of my life (pre-2013) when I was challenged, whether personally or professionally, I still had one or two areas of life I was above average in.

As you can tell the “analyzing” oneself has recently occurred in my life and it has brought a less than stellar mojo around!  Some of you are probably saying right now, “but Julie you are doing this and this and this so well!”  But in reality I’m not.  I’m doing just enough for it to “look” okay.

I’m not falling apart, I’m just looking reality in the face at the moment.  It’s not an “upper” but the “downer” part might be what I need to face to move forward.  I can no longer be the leader of all areas of my life and do it with grace.  And it’s driving me nuts!

I can look back and see when the strength that my mother instilled in me began to fall away.  The turmoil and wreckage of an experience finally got to me and altered my everyday life.  I may be fooling myself, perhaps those traumatic experiences as a child altered me too, but until I was in my 40’s I was capable of  handling  things.  Three consecutive experiences took me to my knees and it’s hard to get up, even almost four years later.

I suppose this is where I would normally write the lines of postivity and a mantra of things to get me “re-booted”.  Well this time I’m not.  I am not going to sit in the depths of despair but I will close with this.

One.  One positive thing a day.  I shall pluck one little thing from my day that I did well and place it at the top of my thoughts.  I will bask in the glory of even the simplest task I did that was good.  Where will that lead me?

Julie

The Gal That Danced in the Kitchen


“Mom, you don’t dance in the kitchen any more.”

My youngest daughter said those words to me recently.

Her words were profound.

She’s right.  I don’t.  Hearing these words brought a sense of sadness over me.  Which were followed by feelings of being overwhelmed and out of kilter.  How did I get to this place?

I’ve swerved in and out of this journey with a dark cloud that continues to hover over me. From my best estimates, this cloud was teeny-tiny about 3 years ago.  Just a newborn and then quickly began to grow.

With each moment of anxiety, nervousness, and feeling as though I was failing, that small cloud turned into a massive one with the death of my two parents. There were moments of sunshine that blocked the darkness temporarily but as the days passed by the darkness began to win out.

Now three years later I am in the midst of something I know needs changed.  I awake daily feeling either frustrated, over whelmed or sad.  I look in the mirror and am unsure of who I am. Not to mention I  faintly remember that gal that danced in the kitchen.

So many factors go into this equation that has brought me to this point in my life.  I’m approaching my 46th birthday and know there are decisions to be made.  Life changes and willpower are needed; yet I’m struggling to find a starting point.

It’s there.  I know it is.  Deep down inside this dark clouded mind and sedentary body it sleeps.  The one thing that will bring me back to the gal that dances in the kitchen and smiles more often.

Julie