Cracks Within Series – #1


Sometimes when I imagine myself,  I see a person that has cracks throughout their body. The body is just flesh and bone but I’m talking about like a stain glass window of sorts. Or perhaps more like, the old china cup that has hair-line cracks throughout it but you can’t stop using it.  The thin cracks making it only more beautiful.

Untitled design

Each crack within me was placed there from an experience.  The tiny cracks creating a brokenness in one shell of a human.  From the arguments on the playground to being picked last on a team as a child.  The teen emotions of being dumped by the guy I thought was my whole world or struggling to pass Algebra. Finding myself walking the high school halls practically full term pregnant.

The more substantial cracks stem from someone taking advantage of me as a child. The remnants of sleeping in a car overnight due to alcoholic situations at home. Not to forget to mention my experience of divorce, motherhood fails, and professional occupations.

Some of those cracks were brought on by other people’s actions and some my own.

Each one has its place within me and each one helped mold me into who I am today. Maybe the reason I am able to write is due to one of these or perhaps all of them.  I will never know.  I find that okay, I have always said “struggles build character.”

I’ve come to realize from the years 2013 through 2016 there became a crack in my being so substantial it made the largest of large indention.  A combination of things.  I was moved to a place of darkness, seeming to never return and changed forever who I am, almost ruining my marriage, my role as a mother in this world, and a few other things.

In the span of those three years I made choices and choices were made for me that scarred me for life.  I’m still reeling from them, especially since we find ourselves once again in the month of August. The difference is I am feeling better.  The difference is I survived.  I’m stronger and I’m still here writing about it.

Check back soon to get another edition of the Cracks Within series.

Julie

 

 

Writing on a Personal Level


I can only speak for myself but when I write, it’s personal.  Which means that my emotions are all wrapped up in the words I lay out on the screen.  That the time and effort I put into each post is a piece of me. Some people may not get that, but high-five to those that do!

FOLLOW

I’m not a person that needs to have 1000’s of followers or comments on my posts daily.  If that was the case, I’m 100% outta luck.  138 followers on this blog alone is all I have, in the blog world that’s probably an embarrassing number to share by the way.  Rarely does anyone actually comment on the posts, and if I don’t share on my personal Facebook or Instagram page there are times the views are a total of two.  (Thank you dear sister and husband, you rock!)

That’s how it goes.  That’s reality.

Each post is a personal journey in one individual’s life. My life.  As I’ve said before, writing helps me process.  I don’t write about every single hiccup or joy or smack in the face or delicious kiss I experience.  I write whatever flows from my fingertips and my heart.  Some posts are written in hopes to help others, process my experiences, just for fun, or to just share a song I really like! (love me a good song)

Some of my posts are more important to me than others.  They resolve conflict in my mind, comfort my heart, pull back the drama of reality, or help me say what I wish I would have when I could have to someone.

Some of my posts when I finish writing them (and reading them like 30 times before hitting publish) I truly feel “that was well written.”  A sense of pride fills my chest and  the emotions that go with accomplishing something feel awesome!  It doesn’t happen with every post.  It’s a rare gem in this blog writing woman’s life.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this.  This place, Pushing Forward with Grace and all it holds…. means a lot to me.  It has my heart.  I pour it out in hopes of feeling I’ve contributed something worthy not only my own life but others.

That my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren will know me a little better than they would have otherwise.  Even if they end up saying (when I’m long gone) “that Grandma Julie was a emotional roller coaster, wasn’t she?”  

Yellow joy

I hope that others remember I am human and I have an emotional tie to this place. These words. The stories that fall from my fingertips.  That even though this place may not be important to them, it is to me.

There’s a whole lot of me wrapped up in here!

I am beyond grateful for the those of you that follow my blog, comment via social media, texts, email, or even right here on the blog.  Thank you for the days you lift me up.  Yesterday was one of them and some of you did just that.  God bless you!

Until next time,
Julie

 

 

 

P.S. It’s not always easy for me to click publish and share myself on the blog.  The reason is I see people weekly or daily that read it.  It scares the crap out of me that they will think I’m that crazy emotional roller coaster lady! 🙂

 

A Lifetime of Words & Spiral Notebooks


Five years of writing.  Three different blogs.  An array of topics, emotions, and so much I might not have shared unless behind a computer screen.  I’ve invited people into my life through the world wide web to walk with me down not only challenging times but joyous moments.

My following isn’t huge by any means, which I am just fine with.  The writing isn’t about drawing attention to myself or my family, it isn’t about making my mountains bigger than yours or my adventures sound more thrilling.  Writing for me is a process, that’s what I have learned in five years of blogging.

It’s always been there.  The writing.   I recall when I was struggling as a child due to my parent’s divorce,  the school counselor told me to write my feelings down.  I used a spiral notebook but the spiral part was on top.  You know like the one below.

notebook

I have no clue where that notebook is today or what I wrote in it.  I’m sure it is filled with much heartache, drama, and anger.  The teen years, some of those notebooks are still in my attic tucked away.  I’m sure my children will learn a few new things upon my death as they go through my things. Those I know will be filled with drama and poems and so much girl/boy heartbreak stuff!

I always liked to start with a very clean fresh piece of paper.  If I messed up I would have to start over, I REALLY disliked scratching out anything.  It’s like the page needed to look perfect although it was filled with the most imperfect things!

My adult journals became ones that looked pretty on the outside.  I always preferred lined pages and some had bible verses or flowers on them.   They too were filled with ordinary daily events, the birth of children, job changes, moving, a marriage, and the failure of one.  The realization of being traumatized as a child not once  but on two different occasions.  The hard times of remarriage and raising daughters through the teen years.  So much written and all included joy as well.  I don’t go back and read them much.  Some are best kept locked away.

I still like a spiral type book to write in even if just for my grocery lists or to do lists.  I don’t journal much anymore on regular paper though.  It’s mostly right here on the blog or I just tuck it away in the crevices called me.

So many things in five years have happened in my life.  I haven’t even blogged about them all.  I suppose I tend to write about the things that I need to process and most of the time my joys aren’t written.  I used to do that more, write about my joys.  But then my joys went to the wayside.  I feel some days more are present now and I see a tiny inkling of myself coming back. There’s a post about all that in my drafts.  Perhaps soon I’ll share that one.

Until next times I hope my posts have helped someone in five years.  I know it’s helped me. Perhaps that was God’s intent… to only help me.

Julie

 

Only One Post


flowers1.jpg

 

Well folks it’s been fun in 2015 hasn’t it?  I mean we have laughed and shook heads in agreement with Honesty Days, touched base with God in the God’s Grace posts, and walked through grieving another death.

I hope that in my Music to my Ears posts you found yourself dancing while reading, enjoyed some awesome stories about adoption, but most of all I hope my writing inspired you.  Inspired you to do whatever God was leading you to do.  Whether it be through an act of kindness, pray with another, speak of His truth to others, or start a new adventure!  I’m so very glad you have joined me in every aspect of the journey.

I’ve written many times about connecting with others.  I know that between us is some sort of device, but I hope that my words have touched you in a way that has brought you joy.  Writing about my life experiences is a way for me to grow, help others, and deal with whatever is at hand.  I feel fortunate to be able to write in a blog setting.

Does this sound like a good bye?  Well,  don’t worry, I’m not. I’m just taking an extended vacation to focus on family, the holidays, and create a new space for us to meet.  I do have an upcoming very special post in December, just one.  Of course it has to do with #pfwg44thbirthday and you will see if I made my goals!

I pray that your Christmas season is a joyous one and that it holds the true meaning of it all.  Jesus Christ.  May you take time to watch the little ones play, sing, and be silly.  May you see the glimmer in your spouse’s/significant other’s eyes once again, and watch the adult children’s life unfold before you.  Hug and kiss the family too much and eat the good food that has been provided for you, and TAKE PICTURES!  Take moments to be generally kind to the clerk at the store, the elderly one, the ones less fortunate, and the ones alone this holiday season.

May we all encompass Christ’s love and share it too much!  God bless you and I will see you in a few weeks!

Grace is a gift,

Juli

365 Posts Has Arrived


The experience of writing here at Pushing Forward with Grace  has given me many things.  A place to write about topics that lie deep within me, grow personally, grieve openly, share the Word of God, and hopefully inspire others to name a few.

When I started this blog I knew I needed to sharpen my writing skills and write about more personal things.  It gave me a place to give a voice to things in my mind and heart.  I wasn’t 100% sure what I would be writing on any given day but I’m happy with the past year.  I feel my writing has improved and some of the comments that were made brought me strength and comfort.  I am thankful for those things.

Flowers

You might be interested to know that the posts that received the most views were the ones with these categories. Honesty Days, God, and Just Me.

There may not have been many comments throughout the year but to me this blog became a place to write for myself.  It brought a daily place for me to write my feelings, my aspirations, my sadness or happiness, and share with the readers what was ultimately me.  Having a place to write my thoughts was therapeutic most of the time.

I’m not sure what will happen now that I’ve reached my 365 days writing experiment.  I plan to take a break to focus on other opportunities and relax. To rest my writing brain and my wrist.  Please continue to follow via email so when something is published you can be the first to know!

Thank you for following me on this journey and taking time to read words I’ve written.  I would very much like to have some feedback regarding the writing and subjects you read this year.  What touched you primarily and how I can improve my writing.  Thank you for your help.

May the Lord bless you and keep you and I hope we visit in the future via the computer screen!

Grace is a gift,

Julie

Just (parts of)  Me!

A year later in review farm wife Braving the cold JV blood donation Combine driver Child Julie 1972

 

 

A Request From Me to You


Well, we are at 341 posts written here on Pushing Forward with Grace.  Nearing the end of (mostly) daily writing, I hope you have enjoyed at least a portion of what I have written.  I decided it would be interesting to see if I could get some input from you.

I would like for you to comment, whether it be here, Google +  or Pinterest or Facebook with a subject for me to write on.  What would you like me to put into words for you?  What subjects are you interested in that I could share my thoughts about?

Perhaps being a mother of three daughters, my faith, a story in the bible, life on a Kansas farm, or is there something deeper?  I won’t write about my political views, just so you know.  Is there something, after reading my blog for almost a year that you think I could inspire someone with?

I appreciate you helping me round out this journey of mine.  I think it could be an interesting and fun challenge for me!

Grace is a gift,

Julie

Public Platform – What I Use My Platform For.


Word of God In Joy or Sadness

This week I was lucky enough to receive some bits of joy.  One came via my mailbox and the other an email. Both of them held words that made me feel joy and special.  They shared with me, they lifted me up, and they took the time to make an impact on my life.  I am thankful for these tidbits of joy to my week.

These two people have made it a point to let me know they enjoy this blog and my openness about life. To be honest, sometimes I wonder if I am sharing too much or if I am craving attention so much that I am using the blog to try to get it.  (Yes, I’m an over thinker, just ask my husband).

But it’s true, where is the line of too much?  I have virtual friends and I have regular friends and with each type there is an assortment of those that share and those that are more closed off.  I’m not saying one is better than the other. I’m just making for discussion and trying to figure out how much is too much.

I want to write with substance, inspiration, and process my way through situations.  I hope to encourage, teach, guide, and just have fun.  This blog has turned out to be so much more than I anticipated.  I have grown in my writing skills, processed thoughts, learned more from The Word, and helped others through #pfwg44thbirthday.  I feel good about this blog and where it has taken me.  Only 42 posts to go and I will achieve a goal as well.  I look forward to what lies ahead for the future of Pushing Forward with Grace.

I guess I will continue to pray about what to write, seek advice from fellow friends, and trust my gut for what words to place upon the screen.  I thank you for joining me in this journey.  May you find much grace in your day!

Grace is a gift,

Julie

 

 

Fifty-Five


Yellow joy

Fifty-five posts left to write on this blog.  That’s how many are left and I am a little surprised.  It is coming closer to ending this 365 day writing journey.  The time spent sharing my thoughts, trying to inspire, and I hope giving grace are on the downhill slide.

As I wrote that paragraph a small smile came across my face.  The thought of having 365 entries all together, neatly in a book together, will bring me much joy in years to come.  There was a time of grief, inspiration, joy, appreciation, and even disappointments but they all matter.  Each entry had a purpose, even if just for me to work through a simple thing.

I have no idea what I will be writing about in the next fifty-five posts, but I do know one thing, they will be treasures to me.

Grace is a gift,

Julie